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February 15, 2019

Now I’ve got a confession.  When I was young I wanted attention, and I promised myself that I’d do anything—anything at all for them to notice me. But I ain’t complaining, we all wanna be famous. So go ahead and say what you wanna say.

Those sage words sang by the legendary Pussycat Dolls are the truest things said since FDR’s fireside chats. It is time for notoriety!

We live in a world of fame-seeking status-seekers. One no longer has to get a PhD and win a Nobel Prize or throw the pigskin around to crawl out of suburban seclusion into fame.

With social media, streaming channels, and a million cable options, fame is available for the sporty, smart and stunning. And at the top of the heap are reality stars, the chosen few who have monetized their talents into lucrative protein shake sponsorships.

But how do we earn our place with the Kardashians, the Countess and those dudes on Duck Dynasty? How do I prove to ABC that I’m the guy to be the first gay bachelor?  We all have to work with the media outlets we have, and those are our social channels.

If you don’t think those casting agents look through every social post you’ve ever made, you are wrong. So let’s look at the shows we want to star on and figure out how to pivot our social to get the attention of some casting agents.

Survivor

A deep love of rice and funky smells is required for this legendary payday, but you also have to give the viewers a new flavor. Something strange, something freaky, something unique.

Focus Platforms:  Instagram and LinkedIn. Work both of them, trust me. Survivor actually clings to a sense of class, so they love to cast a wide array of humanity, from CEOs to lifeguards. Both these platforms allow you to showcase your best assets—whatever they may be.

Ideal Content: Showcase your life and its unique edges. You can’t just be a gal who works in accounting, you have to be a gal who works in accounting, also does steampunk cosplay, and is in a polyamorous relationship. Give us a real bouquet of things to think about. Also, either be able to lift a car or eat it. America loves to see the fit and the unfit battle it out in the jungle.

Avoid: Survivor is the most real of all the reality shows. Their team can sniff out flimflam, filters and fakery. Be your true, authentic self. Tough one, right?

Net/Net: This show works best when it’s full of sneaky weirdos. Be weird or take a lot of pictures in Austin.

The Real Housewives

A careful study of this franchise’s decade of catfights and wine-throwing led me to establish this expert opinion: You don’t have to actually be a wife or have a house to get on any iteration of this show. In fact, you don’t even need to live in the featured city. Bloop!

Focus Platforms: Twitter and Instagram. Use location tags and geographic hashtags a lot. Maybe Pinterest if you want to showcase your shoes or jewelry.  

Ideal Content: It’s all about the three “C”s here: clapbacks, catchphrases, and call outs. Don’t take any shit, don’t be afraid to stir the shit, and frankly, don’t give a shit.

Avoid: Substance, at all costs. Also, don’t interact with the current housewives. You don’t want them to see you coming.

Net/Net: Look fabulous, fashionable, fierce, and dramatic as hell.

Big Brother

Focus Platforms: Instagram and YouTube. We need to see that you can do a convincing confessional, so work on your YouTube diary. Make a lot of wild statements that use words like “blindside” or “strategy” or “Julie Chen”.

Ideal Content: Showcase your ability to abandon your dignity, and give us a hint of romance at the same time. We have to believe that you are capable of having a “showmance” with anyone:  a guy, a girl, a pillow. Live your life to the fullest, but keep it contained in tight shots with harsh lighting.

Avoid: Politics and religion—that’s very 1990. Country over party, unless it’s a country party. (In that case, dress like Kenny Chesney.)

Net/Net: Most of the above can also get you on Floridabama Shore! So you’ve got THAT going for you.

RuPaul’s Drag Race

Focus Platforms: Instagram and YouTube, maybe even a Facebook fan page. Tumblr and Reddit if you have the time. (Those queens will read you for filth on Reddit, hunty.)

Ideal Content: Lewks. Fierce lewks. Stunning lewks. And show us that you can do a death drop. If you don’t know what that is, this show ain’t for you.

Avoid: NOTHING. RuPaul is looking for a QUEEN. Queens are leaders, warriors, poets and icons. Throw it up, then see what sticks. Just do it in a forward-thinking fashionable way with some smokey eyes and a wigline nobody can clock.

Net/Net: This show actually requires a little bit of creative talent and showmanship. Or craziness. Be prepared to work hard, and don’t forget to tuck.

In conclusion: Do you want fame? Well, fame costs. And right now is when you start paying.

With constant engaging content, connective hashtags, and structured outreach plan, it can all be yours. Good luck, and see you in Hollywood!

About the Author

Matthew Ray

Creative Director and Co-Founder of ChatterBlast, Matthew Ray is a fan of comic books, ice cream and sitcoms from the late 1980s.

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