It is with profound sadness that we announce the passing of Mrs. Chillerz, beloved cooling unit and colleague, who departed this world on trash pickup day in June 2026.
Mrs. Chillerz joined ChatterBlast following the tragic loss of her predecessor, Mr. Chillerz, during a particularly brutal Philadelphia heat wave many years ago. While Mr. Chillerz arrived via Facebook Marketplace under circumstances best described as “free and available immediately,” Mrs. Chillerz represented a significant upgrade. Purchased from either Walmart or Target—records remain unclear—she brought a new level of sophistication, reliability and style to the organization.
Known for her sleek design and cool demeanor, Mrs. Chillerz quickly became a fixture of office life. She was especially close with team members Kyle and Marc. The trio was often spotted together throughout Center City, allegedly attending happy hours, concerts and other activities commonly associated with being younger than everyone else.
During her years of service, Mrs. Chillerz worked tirelessly to combat rising temperatures inside CBM headquarters. While highly effective at her job, she was not without flaws. Friends and colleagues will remember her tendency to leak at inconvenient moments, a condition she managed with varying degrees of success and dignity.
Following the long-awaited repair of the office air conditioning system, Mrs. Chillerz entered retirement and took up residence in a storage closet near the center of the office. Though largely out of the public eye, she remained a comforting presence, occasionally glimpsed between boxes and secret snack stashes.
Recently, Mrs. Chillerz was called back into service to assist with a project. Those fortunate enough to see her during her brief return reported that she had lost none of her edge. She remained cool, composed and fiercely committed to the mission.
In lieu of flowers, the family requests that you lower your thermostat by one degree and think of her. She will be missed, but never forgotten.
Stay cool, Mrs. Chillerz.
